Depressed Zombie Mom

  

I feel like I’m slowly drowning or suffocating in this new normal, which isn’t normal at all. Ada has had a bunch of lows over the last few days, so we have had to change dosages, test more, rest more (but sleep less). My house has been neglected, and my old nemesis–dirty dishes–is back in force. I’m getting very little accomplished other than Ada’s needs, and I have no idea what happens to the little bits of time I have in between. Sure, she’s most important, but at some point (it’s already been a month) I have to figure out how to get everything done that I’m supposed to do. Not just housework, but errands, hobbies, friends, personal hygiene. I feel like I get NOTHING else done, and it depresses me. I’m working hard but continuing to fall behind. I feel lonely. Isolated. Always stuck at home or Ada’s school or in the car. I’m drowning. And I’m tired. I want this to all have been a dream. I don’t know why, but things keep getting worse and I’m ready for something good to happen. I need something good to happen. Keep praying friends, and keep fighting even if it seems like your effort is meaningless. It’s not. I have no idea what God has in store for me, and I can’t say I’m really looking forward to it given how chaotic the present has been, but I’m continuing to trust in His goodness despite my difficulties.

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