The Return of Hope


Three doses in. And either my medication is already working or I’m still riding a high from all the good news I’ve received lately. Last Friday night my counselor called me with the news that she had gotten me in with a nurse practitioner who agreed to see me and refill my prescriptions. I called on Monday and made an appointment for next week. Then they called me back Tuesday. The nurse practitioner wanted to see me as soon as possible, so they moved my appointment up to this past Wednesday. We also found out that the prohibitively expensive medication I take went generic in April of this year. The name brand medication was not and still is not covered by my insurance, but the generic is! It retails at several hundred dollars, but I pay a very reasonable amount. So as of Wednesday afternoon, I am medicated and not broke.

I can’t tell you what a relief this is. I felt trapped, and going without medication for a few weeks was tough, but we kept working toward fixing the problem. I only had one day where I could not get out of bed. The rest of the time I at least had the motivation to take my daughter to school and then stay on the couch. My house is a wreck from lack of upkeep, my husband has had to run many of my errands, but rather than waiting months to find help, we took action within weeks. I feel confident that I can fight through this time and avoid a full blown episode.

Something that people keep telling me is that I can possibly be free from depression one day. I have found that hard to believe in the past, but whatever high I’m riding now gives me hope that it could be true. Maybe I have to take medication for my entire life, but with that help I may one day be free from relapses. I keep hearing that there is hope for healing, and I just might be starting to believe it.


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